I read a fabulous post recently online and I just had to share. It is about how subs should go about finding a Mistress the right way! This post is on Fetlife in the Submissive men and women who love them Group. I am particularly a fan of the last 2 points.
“How do I find a dominant woman?” is the number one topic started by new men to this group, and so I’ve decided to start a thread on that topic and make it sticky (git yer minds out of tha gutter! ) so that we can just refer new guys here.I don’t claim to be an expert and I don’t intend for my comments to be exhaustive or authoritative. There isn’t any official ANSI standard for proper sub-like behavior, and there isn’t any Instant Domme (Just Add Water).What I can offer is my experiences in my local BDSM scene. Your millage may vary. This thread is intended to be a work in progress.” by Naamaire
First off, Get Local. FetLife allows you to search groups by location. Find the groups in your area and join them. That’s where you’ll find the people in your area, and that’s where you’ll find out what’s going on in your town.
Next, Get Out. I doubt very seriously that leather clad dominatrices are canvassing your neighborhood looking for subs. (If they are, let me know where you live.) If you want to meet women, you have to go where the women are. Go to munches, go to play parties, go to educational events. Show up! If you don’t have time go out and try to meet people then you aren’t going to have much of a social life in any scene.
Make Friends. Don’t just spend your time hovering around Goddess Kickyouintheface, talk to everybody. You won’t like everybody, but you will find people that you can be comfortable and relax around, and being comfortable and relaxed makes you more attractive. Most local communities are very insular and everybody knows everybody. You may have no interest in playing with Sir Joe or Slave Ginger, but you could end up being friends with them and when their friend Ms Georgina is looking for a new boy-toy, your name may come up.
Get Involved. I can’t stress this one enough. Almost all BDSM events are run by volunteers and it is usually the same 10% of the people who do 90% of the work. Showing up early for set up or staying late for break down is the best networking tool I know. It’s easier to talk to people when you’re doing something, and people remember who helped set up.
Don’t Worry About The Kink. I know this sounds counter-intuitive since your ultimate goal is to find someone to explore the BDSM lifestyle with, but, honestly, the mechanics are not all that important. I have never personally seen a D/s couple break up over incompatibility of fetishes. If the relationship is solid, the kinks have a way of working themselves out. Just because a dominant woman doesn’t list A, B, and C on her profile doesn’t mean that she won’t ever be interested in doing A, B, or C with you. Once she realizes that doing something is a quick way to reduce you to a quivering ball of jelly it may become her favorite activity–but only if she cares about you as a person first.
Be A “Gentleman”. I’m not going to even try to define that word, only you can do that. But whatever your personal ideal of man who is worthy of respect is, be that. Remember, when all is said and done you are still a man looking for a woman. Leave the crap about “worthless worms” on the internet. Be the best man that you can be, your manners, your morals, your dress and grooming.
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