The Ethical Slut Book Review

We are in an era of self-help, self-diagnosis, DIY mental projects and there are more self-help books for each issue then we can bare to read in a lifetime. Well maybe not when it comes to open relationships and polyamory, it is a relatively new social phenomena and there are not that many books on the subject yet to help you figure out what you want out of partners and sex.

One book that does deal with this subject has been around for some time: The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures. The first edition was published in 1997 and a revised second edition was published in 2009. At this time it is considered the Bible on the subject of polyamory. I ask you this: is it a Bible or a Weapon?

Authors: Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
Publisher: Celestial Arts
Publication date: 2009 year
ISBN: 978-1587613371

The book is divided into 4 parts:

- Part one Welcome. This section includes the intro, what is an Ethical Slut, the author’s beliefs, different variations of slut styles, sex and society, etc.

- Part two The Practice of Slut Hood. This part discusses slut skills, how to flirt the poly way, establish boundaries, safe sex, etc.

- Part three Navigating Challenges: How to deal with jealousy, how to fight nicely, how to make agreements, etc.

- Part four Sluts in Love: How to meet other polys and how to apply it depending on your romantic status and number of people involved.

Format: Paperback
Number of Pages: 295
Length: 9″
Width: 6″

Now the reason I chose to review this book should be mentioned here. I do not have a poly predisposition but I was with someone a little more along those lines ans so I was willing to learn, read and maybe give things a try. My nature leans towards monogamy though. But I was open-minded to try. Alas that relationship ended this week (making this a tough review to write) so I find myself having done quite a bit of personal work in this direction and now left without a life jacket on whether I want to proceed and how. It was not a reason for the break-up and I know we would have found a happy middle in that department with time. Thankfully one of my many friends who came to my emotional rescue this week, she has been fabulous, has been poly for years and has read this book in the past. I am also becoming friends with her entourage more on a kink/rope bondage level but most happen to be poly. Still not sure how much I want to explore my openness but I am glad I have a source for advise.

$16.95Ethical Slut Book by Dossie Easton / Janet W. Hardey Format: Paperback Publisher: Celestial Arts Buy from EdenFantasys

This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

Now what did I think of the book? The authors write in a very personal, pop psychology voice and point out additions and edits along the way. I got the feeling that they had self-appointed themselves the cheerleaders of polyamory and were out to convert anyone who was not. It reminded me of how I or other experienced BDSM players sometimes talk to newbies and we kind of forget what it was like when we started and did not get ‘it’. The authors forgot to communicate with the audience on a beginner’s attitude level. The writing is very subjective, opinionated and down right insulting at times if you disagree with them. Example: in reference to people who have never watched 2 people have sex in real life..I quote “We worry about them -  it seems like a terrible deprivation”.

So I did not like the tone of the book at all. But that is not to say no parts of it were really good. I do like how they go pretty deep in why we should reclaim the word SLUT and see it as a positive thing. That just happens to be something that happened in my life recently and I felt no shame in it and my partner enjoyed being called that. It was a term of endearment and a compliment to us. So SLUTS are good and that includes men and women. The two sections that validate why reading this book is beneficial are coping skills with jealousy and how to resolve a conflict between two people and come to an agreement. I would say these two factors are what makes polyamory or the like possible.  You have to get over your fears and insecurities (usually the source of jealousy) and now how to communicate with your partner(s). Without these to key elements, forget it won,t happen and it won’t be pretty.

The authors are convinced this is the way of life for everyone. My main pet-peeve about this book is that they do not encourage monogamous people. It’s more like they tolerate them and they accept them in their environment…but that is because they have not been enlightened yet. My experienced poly friend thought I made an interesting point when I said this to her. She has her set of reserves about the book too. I guess the best way to sum it up is in my friend’s words: this book has made couple and has broken a lot of couples too. Never stay in an abusive unhealthy relationship but do we cop out of good relationships because we suddenly face a small challenge? I ask you…is this book really a Bible or Weapon?