I was recently asked this question:
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In this BDSM/Kinky Community, would people have the wrong impression of a person that identifies as a Top/Dominant for so many years and then suddenly is a bottom/sub? Sometimes I feel like bottoms and subs get far more attention than Tops/Dominants. What is your opinion?
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Very interesting question. One way more people struggle with then they care to admit, at least publicly. I am not going to do a full thesis on this subject here. Just a quick opinion. But I know many readers will identify with this question. Here was my answer:
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I know of people who did a 180 along the way…some long time players. They did not keep everyone’s respect but they found out who there friends were. I think they thought about it long and hard before though and were damn sure of their choice. I think there is more respect, in the long run, of switching once for good then being wishy-washy. So do what you feel is right but be ready to accept the consequences.
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The question (to the question) is does this person crave the emotional confort aspect only? In my opinion that does not, by any means, make you a sub. This would be a case of a possible bottom because: a) there is no selfish act here at all and b) this is more a fun play partner situation because I am not sure this person would react to well to say a heavy humiliation scene that may do more emotional damage then good.
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So, if it was me in those shoes, I would claim bottom curiosity, establish my limits and make it very clear to the possible Top what my goals and intentions are. Be honest, that is how you will learn and benefit the most.
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October 22nd, 2009 at 10:47 am
Are Dom/mes comfortable about talking to other Dom/mes about this subject? Probably not.
Is the “bottom curious” Top/Dom/me able to explore this “feeling” without being ridiculed by the Community? I don’t know.
Subs and bottoms definitely get way more attention to be sure. Are they just more generous or less subjective about who they play with?
What is the best way for the “bottom curious” Top/Dom/me communicate their needs to other Tops/Dom/mes?
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 am
Yes it is a hard subject to discuss…unless you have a Dom/me whom you also know is a REAL LIFE trustworthy friend friend