I read a fabulous post recently online and I just had to share. It is about how subs should go about finding a Mistress the right way! This post is on Fetlife in the Submissive men and women who love them Group. I am particularly a fan of the last 2 points.

How To Find A Mistress

“How do I find a dominant woman?” is the number one topic started by new men to this group, and so I’ve decided to start a thread on that topic and make it sticky (git yer minds out of tha gutter! ) so that we can just refer new guys here.I don’t claim to be an expert and I don’t intend for my comments to be exhaustive or authoritative. There isn’t any official ANSI standard for proper sub-like behavior, and there isn’t any Instant Domme (Just Add Water).What I can offer is my experiences in my local BDSM scene. Your millage may vary. This thread is intended to be a work in progress.” by Naamaire

First off, Get Local. FetLife allows you to search groups by location. Find the groups in your area and join them. That’s where you’ll find the people in your area, and that’s where you’ll find out what’s going on in your town.

Next, Get Out. I doubt very seriously that leather clad dominatrices are canvassing your neighborhood looking for subs. (If they are, let me know where you live.) If you want to meet women, you have to go where the women are. Go to munches, go to play parties, go to educational events. Show up! If you don’t have time go out and try to meet people then you aren’t going to have much of a social life in any scene.

Make Friends. Don’t just spend your time hovering around Goddess Kickyouintheface, talk to everybody. You won’t like everybody, but you will find people that you can be comfortable and relax around, and being comfortable and relaxed makes you more attractive. Most local communities are very insular and everybody knows everybody. You may have no interest in playing with Sir Joe or Slave Ginger, but you could end up being friends with them and when their friend Ms Georgina is looking for a new boy-toy, your name may come up.

Get Involved. I can’t stress this one enough. Almost all BDSM events are run by volunteers and it is usually the same 10% of the people who do 90% of the work. Showing up early for set up or staying late for break down is the best networking tool I know. It’s easier to talk to people when you’re doing something, and people remember who helped set up.

Don’t Worry About The Kink. I know this sounds counter-intuitive since your ultimate goal is to find someone to explore the BDSM lifestyle with, but, honestly, the mechanics are not all that important. I have never personally seen a D/s couple break up over incompatibility of fetishes. If the relationship is solid, the kinks have a way of working themselves out. Just because a dominant woman doesn’t list A, B, and C on her profile doesn’t mean that she won’t ever be interested in doing A, B, or C with you. Once she realizes that doing something is a quick way to reduce you to a quivering ball of jelly it may become her favorite activity–but only if she cares about you as a person first.

Be A “Gentleman”. I’m not going to even try to define that word, only you can do that. But whatever your personal ideal of man who is worthy of respect is, be that. Remember, when all is said and done you are still a man looking for a woman. Leave the crap about “worthless worms” on the internet. Be the best man that you can be, your manners, your morals, your dress and grooming.

Today I would like to talk to you about a toy unlike anything I would normally show here. How so? Well it is probably the plainest, most vanilla, blandest looking toy I have ever reviewed. But as they say never judge a book by it’s cover. I did not choose to review this toy for my sexual benefit at all, I chose it because I really think it is a tool that can be very helpful to some women out there.I wanted this post to be more about sexual empowerment and breaking taboo barriers…in some small way. Of course being the perv that I am I also found a way to incorporate it into a BDSM environment he he (see end of post for that).

Let me introduce you to the Vibrating Dilator Set, a design part of the Berman Center Intimate Accessories Collection. Yes, it is plain, it is pink, it is very plastic. This toy was truly conceived, like all Bergman toys, to appeal to the vanilla, sexually unexplorative little house wive-like type of people who think the closest they ever will come to kink is a hair gone awry on their head. This vibrator serves its purpose by not being threatening. Why? Because it is primarily designed for women who may have medical issues on a sexual level.

Why dilator? A dilator induces dilation…or stretching…of a tight, scared or traumatized hole. One starts small and as the body adjusts one can move on to a bigger size…once the body and the mind is ready to accept it. The Vibrating Dilator Set is ideal for someone who experiences pain during intercourse; suffers from sexual anxiety; wants to strengthen their pelvic floor; or maybe just had an operation or a baby and the vaginal area is super sensitive.

The design I have to admit is very clever. The core piece is the vibe (takes two AA batteries) motor and the smallest insertable part which is 0.75″ X 3.5″. There are 3 larger shafts that can be attached with an interlocking system, like feet that you slide in, at the bottom. The sizes are  1″ x 4.5″, then 1.25″ x 5.5″, and finally 1.5″ x 6.25″. One can use this toy with or without vibration but usually the vibrations help to relax the muscles and makes the experience more pleasurable. The vibrations go from low to high gradually – just turn the cap at the end of the handle accordingly. A silicone blend sleeve with nubs is included in the kit…just slip it over the sleeves for added sensation. Finally a violet chiffon like pouch comes with it for storage. Since it is see threw it’s not exactly discreet but it is very girly.

So it may look boring but it is a wonderful toy if women can gain confidence in themselves and sexually. A healthy sexual life is so important o one’s overall health, kudos for developing a toy that can help on that level. I just have two concerns. The first is that I find hard plastic hurts after a while, at least for me the vibrations feel hard at some point. Second I wonder if the little plastic feet that attach a shaft to the core piece may break off after a while.

What I have to say from my personal experience with this toy: the small shaft equates a bullet so nice for clitoral and as far as vaginal penetration I like it big so largest shaft for me it is. BUT, as I said before, you can easily take this toys into a BDSM scene too. Know what it is great for too? Anal dilation! It is the perfect tool to have your bottom get used to anal play if they are starting and zero experience. Just make sure to use a condom every time if you take this toy through the back door.

To clean your Vibrating Dilator Set just use antibacterial soap and warm water. Do not submerge the motor part and make sure the cap is screwed on tightly prior to cleaning. Keep in mind the sleeve is a silicone BLEND so it is porous. You cannot completely sterilize this toy so using a condom with it is not a bad idea. On its own you can use any lube, but with the sleeve in use only use water based lubricant.

Specs:

• Small Vibrating Dilator
• 3 Interlocking Graduated Sizes
• Soft Silicone Blend Sleeve
• Power: 2x AA batteries
• Materials: hard plastic and silicone blend (sleeve)

Thank you to the lovely people at Goodvibes.com who sent me this toy for review

A little while back I wrote a blog about how I wanted to start offering workshops to small groups about various topics within our alternative lifestyle. Well the timing of my plans and the new ALCC could not have been more perfect!

The Alternative Lifestyle Community Center (Centre Communautaire pour les styles de vie Alternatifs de Montréal) is a free and open space where like minded individuals can meet, share, learn, build and create meaningful relationships, discover, and seek information without fear, judgment, or discrimination.

Last night I attended the grand opening and it was a huge success. I could only come for a short while and got there very early. I expected the place to be quiet. I was wrong…at 5h20pm the place was already packed. Such a great sign for the future! Countess Allura, a fabulous wonderful lady I am happy to call my friend, is the founder of this center. Amazing my dear! I am so proud of you!

And yes of course I will be giving my workshops here. I am very excited. I already have dates on the schedule. So COME SEE ME AT MY WORKSHOPS.

Wednesday, May 12

7-8pm: What is Protocol – Lady Evyl (English)

Wednesday, May 26

7-8pm: C’est quoi le Protocol – Lady Evyl (Français)

Wednesday, June 9

7-8pm: Let’s Have a Ball -CBT Intro – Lady Evyl (English)

Wednesday, June 16

7-8pm: On s’amuse avec les boules – Intro au CBT – Lady Evyl (Français)

More about the Alternative Lifestyle Community:

We provide information, education, counseling, socialization, and support through activities, workshops, seminars, discussion groups, certified psychologists, drop-in hours, and resource materials.

We welcome all people 18 years of age or older from any religion, culture, spirituality, race, age, distinction, minority, majority, orientation, identity, preference, sexuality, that may be curious about, questioning, or living an alternative lifestyle. We also welcome those who are concerned, opposing, or uncertain about alternative lifestyles and encourage you to come to the center to learn more.

We encourage you to drop by and ask questions, familiarize yourself with the various activities being offered at the center, or simply sit on our comfy couch and read some of the literature we have available.

The center is YOUR place to call your own and feel welcome.

A little ranting this morning.

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How stupid or some people when they write to a Mistress on personal sites. Monday morning exhibit A, a 27 year old switch:

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I do like your profile ,very spicy lol!
Anyway i have a very nice fetish scenarios and ideas that may interest you and may be making them a reality one day. Let me know also if you have some good ones Hope to hear from you soon ,a+

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My answer:

Hun…..I am not a fetishist nor do I fulfilled fantasies for others.

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Lets see if I get a nasty answer back ha ha!

Although I have been considering this for some time and have discussed with a select group of people, this does remain my first public announcement of my project in works. I am planning on offering private workshops for small groups.

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This past year has been a very educational year for me in the BDSM scene. Of course as any good Master or Mistress I keep up to date and try to learn, but what I mean is this year I started giving public workshops and demos. I was asked to give some of these and they were all a  success. I also really enjoy the experience of teaching and learning from others.

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However what I did not like for the Montreal aspect of these classes is that they were very unstructured, sort of throw last minute and irregular.Why is it the case? Well one reason I think is the up-swing fashionable Fetish scene has been overtaking the BDSM scene. True BDSM locals have become sparse and few or less accessible without a car. I know I am rambling now, sorry, its a bit of chip on my shoulder.

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Now I am not alone in offering workshops in Montreal at all, there are a few great teachers in Montreal. But there is no structure or local for it. This I find beyond frustrating. Also these were all without remuneration. Now I am not saying I want to make a huge amount of cash from it, but preparing a workshop is a lot of work and I do believe a small compensation is a minimum. Its a service like anything else.

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So as mentioned I am working on offering workshops to small groups in a private home. I don’t want to rent a space out to kep costs low and it’s more fun with a small group as there is more interaction. So stay tuned for announcements of a first workshop soon!

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As mentioned in recent previous posts I am navigating a bit in the Vanilla dating world right now. It’s an interesting and bumpy ride. For fun I researched some basic dating tips and advice online.

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Yeah I can hear you saying why on earth am I doing that? Well how polished is your knowledge on that actually? Do really think you know what you are doing? A little refresher of the rules never hurt anyone (minus the really sexist or outdated ones I removed). And its actually surprising how well they can blend in a Ds relationship as well. FromTop Dating Tips

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Dating Rules for Women

• Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head.
• Never reveal information you don’t have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
• Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
• Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
• Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
• Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady’s perogative.
• Never be available when he wants you to be. Never answer when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
• If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
• Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
• Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
• Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
• Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom.
• Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
• If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
• If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
• Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
• If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you.
• You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.

Online Dating Rules

• Always let them come to you, don’t chase them via email.
• Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
• Don’t reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
• Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
• Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
• Never provide your real email or phone details.
• Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
• Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
• Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
• If you don’t want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
• A man who doesn’t reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
• Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
• Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
• Don’t even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
• Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

General Dating Rules For Men

1. Look your best. Get some decent clothes and shoes. Women always look at your shoes, even if you last checked your Nikes in 1996. Get clothes that fit you, suit you and are contemporary. Don’t just buy one outfit, sort out your entire wardrobe. Buy a nice tailored suit, there is no excuse not to. If you can’t take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of her?

2. Sort out your hygiene and styling. Go down to the barbers and clean up your hair, getting it styled if possible. If you don’t have much hair, still get down to the salon, maybe get your head shaved. Or just get a regular shave, a professional shave will leave your face looking and feeling great. Then it is off to the shops with you for good quality cologne and a grooming kit. Men are so often criticized for smelling bad. Get into a regular showering routine so you will always smell fresh and clean. Women appreciate it.

3. Sort out your job if you have one. Women want a man who has some ambition in life. Coasting along as a skateboard instructor is generally not going to win you a real catch (though I’d give it a go, I love skateboarding). Any job is better than none, but knuckle down and sort out some direction in your life. If possible try and look like you have something of a career. If you have a manual job, at least have some plans to work for yourself, and if you already do, then you are on the right track. But know what you are about work wise and have some idea of your future plans because women will ask questions about your prospects. Even if they pretend it isn’t important, it is.

4. Be in the know. Make sure you are up to date with current affairs, watch the news and read quality papers. Women do not appreciate stupidity, and laziness is no excuse for sounding dumb. Current affairs are important in showing you know all about the world we live in. If you travel a lot then this will help tremendously. If you don’t, make plans to travel and tell her about it. Proving you are willing and able to plan vacations is essential in the grand scheme of things.

5. Do not extol the virtues of drinking in the bar 5 nights a week. This will never win any fair princess’s heart. If you spend all your time boozing with the boys, it’s time to take a step back and pick up some more productive habits. Taking your lady for a drink is fine, especially if you take her to get cocktails at a nice lounge, but give them the impression that you live there will get you absolutely nowhere fast.

6. Keep your super fan status in check. If you love your sports and enjoying watch the game with your buddies, fine. If sport is a religion and you have your favorite player’s number tattooed on your back, you may have a problem. If you are serious about dating, rattling off baseball stats, ranting about unfair umpires and constantly check the score will put them off in record time. To the uninitiated, sports are completely boring, and many women interpret the obsession as a total lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sports too, and rooting for the same team is great, but don’t make your passion into a one-sided one.

9. Never expect sex on a first date. If all you are after is sex, you have come to the wrong place for reading material. If you are looking for the girl of your dreams, there is nothing sexier than a patient man. You are easily capable of waiting for the right woman.

10. Read up on manners, courtesy and chivalry. A woman likes being treated with respect. Lose the coarse language, the swear words, the rudeness and the laziness. Know how to eat in a top restaurant. Know about fashion, jewelry and flowers. Know how to hold a door open for a woman, let her go first and help her with her seat. Listen to what she says but have opinions of your own too. Show her respect and manners at every step and you’ll be on the right path.

11. Start listening and stop talking. Keep your date interested but don’t turn into a one-man circus. She will bore of you quickly because she wants to talk about herself too. Listen to things she tells you about her and remember them. Women love to chat so you need to learn to listen to her. Remembering things she told you will impress her even more.

12. Give up smoking. Now.

13. Learn to dance even if you have two left feet. Women love to dance and it puts you two in close contact. It is also romantic and sexy. You can be the world’s worst dancer, I don’t care. But if you stay seated when she is on that dance floor you may as well not exist. Try joining salsa and ballroom classes. You don’t need to be Travolta but you should have an idea of the basics of rhythm. Get started today.

This past Friday Dec 04th was my second time giving a workshop at Club Sin and well actually to the community as well. I decided to pick protocol as a subject. Not exactly the easiest one at all. I think this is the one term in our lifestyle so many people, specially newbies, have trouble wrapping their minds around.

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There is just not a whole lot out there as a concrete description. God knows I researched the net…in the past for myself and recently for this workshop. Now Party Protocol and Public Scene Protocol texts abound. But its how do build a protocol within a union of two or more people that is so difficult. Sure you can come up with 10 rules to stick by but that is only a fraction of what a protocol is.

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The best article I have found online are notes published from a talk Laura Antoniou gave back in 2000 entitled Establishing a Protocol.

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For some reason, although I have not had a massive amount of experience in it, I just really get the concept of it. I am ultra organized, even in my disorders. I don’t think a whole lot of people are fully experienced in protocol because it is a) exhausting to be applying such rigid rules and b) hard to find a sub who can operate under such regimentation and scrutiny. Although I am sure many do manage to live a full protocol lifestyle it is not a majority. So no I am not full protocol. I do enjoy many aspects of it though and I like the ceremony behind it.

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I have had subs were rules were much more strongly present in our dynamic then others. Right now I find myself in a more romantic circumstance with someone who is green to this lifestyle and probably more kinky then anything else. We do not have a protocol established. But we have a lot of fun.

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This last comment is to say no matter what protocol you do decide upon its has to be rebuilt (partly) a new with every new person that enters your life on such a level.  Protocol cannot work without flexibility. My new beau sometimes asks me if I can be happy with him knowing he cannot be the ultimate sub I would like. I say as long as you are kinky in general I have no issues with it (and that he is find with my tacking out my sadistic needs on someone else lol).

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If you cannot be somewhat flexible you will remain alone. Let me give you a vanilla example. If you say your future partner must want to be beaten to bruises every time, but kneel at all times, must never speak and be wet and ready 24hrs a day…its the equivalent of saying your vanilla better half must be blond, must be making so much a year, must want children and must never do overtime. Its just probably not ever going to happen. Sure certain things are really essential and you have to complete needs but give some of it a rest and widen your horizons or you may pass up a really amazing opportunity!

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OK, that is it. I am declaring a new scientific fact:

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All males have a South Park chromosome allowing them to repeat a script, word for word, of any episode of South park from any season…whether you want them to or not!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I got nothing against South park, I even like it.

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But Ladies, this chromosome needs to be tamed and disciplined!

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I am the present of this month’s Sin Academy. This is my second time doing a workshop here so I am very much looking forward to it.

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â–  Cabaret Cleo 1230 St-Laurent (2ème étage) … 9pm / entré gratuite / free admission … dress Code Vestimentaire : Fetish . Latex . PVC . Lingerie . Cuir . Goth . Glam . Xdress . Cosplay . Victorian . Tout en Noir. Pas de Jeans pas de Cameras!

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RSVP either of Facebook or Fetlife

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We all have heard about protocol – the unofficial rules of respect, discretion, and honor that we’re all supposed to know before we enter a specific group, society or even a 2 person relationship.

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Within our community the basic ones are D/s Protocol, Play Protocol and Dungeon Protocol. Yet so many people are unclear on this subject.

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In this workshop we’ll cover the basics of these different protocols, training methods, and philosophies.

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■ Comment développer vos aptitudes de communication dans la scène D/s avec Lady Evyl

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Nous avons tous entendu parler de protocole – les règles non officiels basés sur le respect, la discrétion et l’honneur que nous sommes tous censés connaître avant d’entrer dans un groupe, ne société ou même une relation entre de 2 personnes.

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Au sein de notre communauté les protocoles de base sont le Protocole D/s, le Protocole de Jeux et le Protocole de Donjon. Par contre une bonne partie des gens ne sont pas clairs sur ces règles.

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Dans cet atelier, nous allons couvrir les bases de ces différents protocoles, les méthodes de formation, et des philosophies.

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OK…I finally finished an article for a vanilla project….now I must prepare for my protocol workshop I am giving next weekend.
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So I am asking you to contribute any special Protocols you have as inspiration to add a bit of pizazz to my speech?
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Got something to share…leave me a comment!
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