I read a fabulous post recently online and I just had to share. It is about how subs should go about finding a Mistress the right way! This post is on Fetlife in the Submissive men and women who love them Group. I am particularly a fan of the last 2 points.

How To Find A Mistress

“How do I find a dominant woman?” is the number one topic started by new men to this group, and so I’ve decided to start a thread on that topic and make it sticky (git yer minds out of tha gutter! ) so that we can just refer new guys here.I don’t claim to be an expert and I don’t intend for my comments to be exhaustive or authoritative. There isn’t any official ANSI standard for proper sub-like behavior, and there isn’t any Instant Domme (Just Add Water).What I can offer is my experiences in my local BDSM scene. Your millage may vary. This thread is intended to be a work in progress.” by Naamaire

First off, Get Local. FetLife allows you to search groups by location. Find the groups in your area and join them. That’s where you’ll find the people in your area, and that’s where you’ll find out what’s going on in your town.

Next, Get Out. I doubt very seriously that leather clad dominatrices are canvassing your neighborhood looking for subs. (If they are, let me know where you live.) If you want to meet women, you have to go where the women are. Go to munches, go to play parties, go to educational events. Show up! If you don’t have time go out and try to meet people then you aren’t going to have much of a social life in any scene.

Make Friends. Don’t just spend your time hovering around Goddess Kickyouintheface, talk to everybody. You won’t like everybody, but you will find people that you can be comfortable and relax around, and being comfortable and relaxed makes you more attractive. Most local communities are very insular and everybody knows everybody. You may have no interest in playing with Sir Joe or Slave Ginger, but you could end up being friends with them and when their friend Ms Georgina is looking for a new boy-toy, your name may come up.

Get Involved. I can’t stress this one enough. Almost all BDSM events are run by volunteers and it is usually the same 10% of the people who do 90% of the work. Showing up early for set up or staying late for break down is the best networking tool I know. It’s easier to talk to people when you’re doing something, and people remember who helped set up.

Don’t Worry About The Kink. I know this sounds counter-intuitive since your ultimate goal is to find someone to explore the BDSM lifestyle with, but, honestly, the mechanics are not all that important. I have never personally seen a D/s couple break up over incompatibility of fetishes. If the relationship is solid, the kinks have a way of working themselves out. Just because a dominant woman doesn’t list A, B, and C on her profile doesn’t mean that she won’t ever be interested in doing A, B, or C with you. Once she realizes that doing something is a quick way to reduce you to a quivering ball of jelly it may become her favorite activity–but only if she cares about you as a person first.

Be A “Gentleman”. I’m not going to even try to define that word, only you can do that. But whatever your personal ideal of man who is worthy of respect is, be that. Remember, when all is said and done you are still a man looking for a woman. Leave the crap about “worthless worms” on the internet. Be the best man that you can be, your manners, your morals, your dress and grooming.

A little while back I wrote a blog about how I wanted to start offering workshops to small groups about various topics within our alternative lifestyle. Well the timing of my plans and the new ALCC could not have been more perfect!

The Alternative Lifestyle Community Center (Centre Communautaire pour les styles de vie Alternatifs de Montréal) is a free and open space where like minded individuals can meet, share, learn, build and create meaningful relationships, discover, and seek information without fear, judgment, or discrimination.

Last night I attended the grand opening and it was a huge success. I could only come for a short while and got there very early. I expected the place to be quiet. I was wrong…at 5h20pm the place was already packed. Such a great sign for the future! Countess Allura, a fabulous wonderful lady I am happy to call my friend, is the founder of this center. Amazing my dear! I am so proud of you!

And yes of course I will be giving my workshops here. I am very excited. I already have dates on the schedule. So COME SEE ME AT MY WORKSHOPS.

Wednesday, May 12

7-8pm: What is Protocol – Lady Evyl (English)

Wednesday, May 26

7-8pm: C’est quoi le Protocol – Lady Evyl (Français)

Wednesday, June 9

7-8pm: Let’s Have a Ball -CBT Intro – Lady Evyl (English)

Wednesday, June 16

7-8pm: On s’amuse avec les boules – Intro au CBT – Lady Evyl (Français)

More about the Alternative Lifestyle Community:

We provide information, education, counseling, socialization, and support through activities, workshops, seminars, discussion groups, certified psychologists, drop-in hours, and resource materials.

We welcome all people 18 years of age or older from any religion, culture, spirituality, race, age, distinction, minority, majority, orientation, identity, preference, sexuality, that may be curious about, questioning, or living an alternative lifestyle. We also welcome those who are concerned, opposing, or uncertain about alternative lifestyles and encourage you to come to the center to learn more.

We encourage you to drop by and ask questions, familiarize yourself with the various activities being offered at the center, or simply sit on our comfy couch and read some of the literature we have available.

The center is YOUR place to call your own and feel welcome.

Although I have been considering this for some time and have discussed with a select group of people, this does remain my first public announcement of my project in works. I am planning on offering private workshops for small groups.

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This past year has been a very educational year for me in the BDSM scene. Of course as any good Master or Mistress I keep up to date and try to learn, but what I mean is this year I started giving public workshops and demos. I was asked to give some of these and they were all a  success. I also really enjoy the experience of teaching and learning from others.

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However what I did not like for the Montreal aspect of these classes is that they were very unstructured, sort of throw last minute and irregular.Why is it the case? Well one reason I think is the up-swing fashionable Fetish scene has been overtaking the BDSM scene. True BDSM locals have become sparse and few or less accessible without a car. I know I am rambling now, sorry, its a bit of chip on my shoulder.

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Now I am not alone in offering workshops in Montreal at all, there are a few great teachers in Montreal. But there is no structure or local for it. This I find beyond frustrating. Also these were all without remuneration. Now I am not saying I want to make a huge amount of cash from it, but preparing a workshop is a lot of work and I do believe a small compensation is a minimum. Its a service like anything else.

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So as mentioned I am working on offering workshops to small groups in a private home. I don’t want to rent a space out to kep costs low and it’s more fun with a small group as there is more interaction. So stay tuned for announcements of a first workshop soon!

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As mentioned in recent previous posts I am navigating a bit in the Vanilla dating world right now. It’s an interesting and bumpy ride. For fun I researched some basic dating tips and advice online.

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Yeah I can hear you saying why on earth am I doing that? Well how polished is your knowledge on that actually? Do really think you know what you are doing? A little refresher of the rules never hurt anyone (minus the really sexist or outdated ones I removed). And its actually surprising how well they can blend in a Ds relationship as well. FromTop Dating Tips

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Dating Rules for Women

• Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head.
• Never reveal information you don’t have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
• Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
• Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
• Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
• Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady’s perogative.
• Never be available when he wants you to be. Never answer when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
• If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
• Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
• Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
• Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
• Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom.
• Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
• If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
• If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
• Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
• If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you.
• You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.

Online Dating Rules

• Always let them come to you, don’t chase them via email.
• Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
• Don’t reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
• Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
• Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
• Never provide your real email or phone details.
• Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
• Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
• Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
• If you don’t want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
• A man who doesn’t reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
• Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
• Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
• Don’t even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
• Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

General Dating Rules For Men

1. Look your best. Get some decent clothes and shoes. Women always look at your shoes, even if you last checked your Nikes in 1996. Get clothes that fit you, suit you and are contemporary. Don’t just buy one outfit, sort out your entire wardrobe. Buy a nice tailored suit, there is no excuse not to. If you can’t take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of her?

2. Sort out your hygiene and styling. Go down to the barbers and clean up your hair, getting it styled if possible. If you don’t have much hair, still get down to the salon, maybe get your head shaved. Or just get a regular shave, a professional shave will leave your face looking and feeling great. Then it is off to the shops with you for good quality cologne and a grooming kit. Men are so often criticized for smelling bad. Get into a regular showering routine so you will always smell fresh and clean. Women appreciate it.

3. Sort out your job if you have one. Women want a man who has some ambition in life. Coasting along as a skateboard instructor is generally not going to win you a real catch (though I’d give it a go, I love skateboarding). Any job is better than none, but knuckle down and sort out some direction in your life. If possible try and look like you have something of a career. If you have a manual job, at least have some plans to work for yourself, and if you already do, then you are on the right track. But know what you are about work wise and have some idea of your future plans because women will ask questions about your prospects. Even if they pretend it isn’t important, it is.

4. Be in the know. Make sure you are up to date with current affairs, watch the news and read quality papers. Women do not appreciate stupidity, and laziness is no excuse for sounding dumb. Current affairs are important in showing you know all about the world we live in. If you travel a lot then this will help tremendously. If you don’t, make plans to travel and tell her about it. Proving you are willing and able to plan vacations is essential in the grand scheme of things.

5. Do not extol the virtues of drinking in the bar 5 nights a week. This will never win any fair princess’s heart. If you spend all your time boozing with the boys, it’s time to take a step back and pick up some more productive habits. Taking your lady for a drink is fine, especially if you take her to get cocktails at a nice lounge, but give them the impression that you live there will get you absolutely nowhere fast.

6. Keep your super fan status in check. If you love your sports and enjoying watch the game with your buddies, fine. If sport is a religion and you have your favorite player’s number tattooed on your back, you may have a problem. If you are serious about dating, rattling off baseball stats, ranting about unfair umpires and constantly check the score will put them off in record time. To the uninitiated, sports are completely boring, and many women interpret the obsession as a total lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sports too, and rooting for the same team is great, but don’t make your passion into a one-sided one.

9. Never expect sex on a first date. If all you are after is sex, you have come to the wrong place for reading material. If you are looking for the girl of your dreams, there is nothing sexier than a patient man. You are easily capable of waiting for the right woman.

10. Read up on manners, courtesy and chivalry. A woman likes being treated with respect. Lose the coarse language, the swear words, the rudeness and the laziness. Know how to eat in a top restaurant. Know about fashion, jewelry and flowers. Know how to hold a door open for a woman, let her go first and help her with her seat. Listen to what she says but have opinions of your own too. Show her respect and manners at every step and you’ll be on the right path.

11. Start listening and stop talking. Keep your date interested but don’t turn into a one-man circus. She will bore of you quickly because she wants to talk about herself too. Listen to things she tells you about her and remember them. Women love to chat so you need to learn to listen to her. Remembering things she told you will impress her even more.

12. Give up smoking. Now.

13. Learn to dance even if you have two left feet. Women love to dance and it puts you two in close contact. It is also romantic and sexy. You can be the world’s worst dancer, I don’t care. But if you stay seated when she is on that dance floor you may as well not exist. Try joining salsa and ballroom classes. You don’t need to be Travolta but you should have an idea of the basics of rhythm. Get started today.

This past Friday Dec 04th was my second time giving a workshop at Club Sin and well actually to the community as well. I decided to pick protocol as a subject. Not exactly the easiest one at all. I think this is the one term in our lifestyle so many people, specially newbies, have trouble wrapping their minds around.

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There is just not a whole lot out there as a concrete description. God knows I researched the net…in the past for myself and recently for this workshop. Now Party Protocol and Public Scene Protocol texts abound. But its how do build a protocol within a union of two or more people that is so difficult. Sure you can come up with 10 rules to stick by but that is only a fraction of what a protocol is.

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The best article I have found online are notes published from a talk Laura Antoniou gave back in 2000 entitled Establishing a Protocol.

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For some reason, although I have not had a massive amount of experience in it, I just really get the concept of it. I am ultra organized, even in my disorders. I don’t think a whole lot of people are fully experienced in protocol because it is a) exhausting to be applying such rigid rules and b) hard to find a sub who can operate under such regimentation and scrutiny. Although I am sure many do manage to live a full protocol lifestyle it is not a majority. So no I am not full protocol. I do enjoy many aspects of it though and I like the ceremony behind it.

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I have had subs were rules were much more strongly present in our dynamic then others. Right now I find myself in a more romantic circumstance with someone who is green to this lifestyle and probably more kinky then anything else. We do not have a protocol established. But we have a lot of fun.

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This last comment is to say no matter what protocol you do decide upon its has to be rebuilt (partly) a new with every new person that enters your life on such a level.  Protocol cannot work without flexibility. My new beau sometimes asks me if I can be happy with him knowing he cannot be the ultimate sub I would like. I say as long as you are kinky in general I have no issues with it (and that he is find with my tacking out my sadistic needs on someone else lol).

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If you cannot be somewhat flexible you will remain alone. Let me give you a vanilla example. If you say your future partner must want to be beaten to bruises every time, but kneel at all times, must never speak and be wet and ready 24hrs a day…its the equivalent of saying your vanilla better half must be blond, must be making so much a year, must want children and must never do overtime. Its just probably not ever going to happen. Sure certain things are really essential and you have to complete needs but give some of it a rest and widen your horizons or you may pass up a really amazing opportunity!

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Things have been quiet on the bdsm front…which is fine right now. But I have little tidbits of info or anecdotes I can share:
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- Last night I had dinner at a friend who just had a baby in April. So yeah I am SO enjoying the Aunty role and stealing my ‘niece’ out of her mommy’s arm as much as I can. But while we ate the baby was placed in a little baby bed. I am not into AB play but Hell I want one! Imagine a little rocking hammock where you get strapped in AND it has a vibration function!!!!!!!!!!
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- I just finished reading Midori’s Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink: Educational, Sensual, and Entertaining Essays. I loved it a lot and I want Midori’s job. Yeah i know I am not alone to want this but I am going to take slow steps to do it. I already am starting to do workshops and demos, have 3 upcoming, and I have Kinky Sex Link which has an impact on the online bsdm blog scene. I am reviewing toys online, I have published articles. I may actually get a great gig of writing how-tos on bdsm toys for a well know bdsm online toy site (hush hush for now). So I think I am doing a good start at achieving this goal!
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Oh yes aslo just started a Kinky Q&A on Kinky Sex Link…so please visit and post a comment with a question.
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- Lets see, besides that I have been geting to know someone…very early but we will see if it goes anywhere. one thing I did want to mention is on our first meeting I received a gift from this person. it was a really unusual but very cool and touching gesture. He is a big scuba diver fan and he gave me a fossolized sea urchin he picked from the ocean floor on his last trip. I thought it was very cool and the few friends I have mentioned it to totally agree. See…guys…you don,t have to spend money and get a crazy gift…just be creative and get something from the heart. it is the thought that counts!
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- Looking forward to the Montreal Fetish Weekend in early September. Miss Susan and Nick_b will be staying with me so happy to see my freinds so soon again. That is a bout it for now!
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Mystress Lady Evyl
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WIN $125 at Babeland.com – Pretty Pretty Toys Contest
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Great news, today I confirmed 2 workshops I will be giving at Club Sin. Both are part of the Sin Academy, an informative hour prior to the evening’s festivities. Click on the links to RSVP on Fetlife.
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BUDGET BDSM: TOY CRAFT AND PERVERTIBLES
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How to be frugal by making your toys and using pervertibles: with Lady Evyl
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There is a myth that to be a good BDSM player you have to have lots of equipment, many expensive implements and a well stocked dungeon in which to play. But for those who are exploring, experimenting, or just don’t have $200 to shell out for a flogger, there are alternatives.
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By being creative and crafty you can learn to make many of your required toys for play, and all this on a budget. I’ll show you what basic tools you need, explain a few techniques and give you a resource list to get you going. I will also share with you ideas of converting everyday items into play toys, called pervertibles.
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WHAT IS PROTOCOL?
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Learning to develop the proper communicative skills in the D/s community: with Lady Evyl
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We all have heard about protocol – the unofficial rules of respect, discretion, and honor that we’re all supposed to know before we enter a specific group, society or even a 2 person relationship.
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Within our community the basic ones are D/s Protocol, Play Protocol and Dungeon Protocol. Yet so many people are unclear on this subject.
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In this workshop we’ll cover the basics of these different protocols, training methods, and philosophies.
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You can also RSVP on Facebook, look up the events affiliated with the Sin Academy
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Mystress Lady Evyl
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As some of you may know I run the BDSM Toys Craft Corner on Fetlife. Since its beginning is has always been on the top list of most popular groups, we are close to 6,200 members.
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A while back one of my co-leaders suggested a fun contest….the 6,666th member should get a prize. With that number fast approaching the contest is now live. Here is a snippet from that discussion:

We want to do something special and award a prize to our 6,666th member, as well as perhaps drawings for prizes for other members, in honor of reaching this 6,666 member milestone! We are asking anyone who would like to donate (which includes you paying the shipping) any new (not used) toy or craft to please get in contact with any one of the moderators of this group. Thanks!

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Well we will have a lot of winners because I estimate we will have somewhere between 20 and 40 donations! WOW
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Of course I added a nice incentive:

I will also publish this list on my contributor blog kinkysexlink.com in June or July (assumming we hit 6666) for 1 month in the article of the month to spread the word and give you publicity. That is good free publicity!

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So if you are on Fetlife come join us at BDSM Toys Craft Corner . We have a great time sharing how-to’s for toys.
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Thank you to all our donators so far. If you would like to donate a toy as well please get in touch with me here
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Mystress Lady Evyl
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1) Woohoo my article submission at BME as accepted on Cell popping….check it out http://www.bmezine.com/scar/A90408/scrcellp.html
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2) Best website find in a LONG time…hours of fun can be wasted here…http://www.wonderhowto.com
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3) Had to share an adorable find. its actually a few months old and Angel first found it but thought it was cute enough to write about. A nice little fun purchase:
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Down, Boy! by Alice Ockleshaw
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It’s true that both men and dogs can be cute and cuddly, fiercely loyal and affectionate-imperfectly endearing. Then again, they can also make a complete mess of the house, ignore you completely, and be downright disobedient. Luckily, the tried-and-true rules for bringing up Fido can be easily applied to the man-dog in your life, and Down, Boy! provides you with everything you’ll need to keep him in line.
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This fun kit includes a flyswatter (to keep his hands off you at inappropriate moments), a mini water gun (to control his straying eyes), a score book (to chart his progress), a dog-training clicker (to make sure he pays attention), a refrigerator magnet (to remind him of the dos and do nots), sheets of helpful stickers (to teach him to “put the toilet seat down” and “put the TV remote away”), and a hilarious 64-page book of training techniques.
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Ultimately, your man will thank you for taking the time to train him properly-and for teaching him to be the best dog he can be.

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I LOVE the clicker best hehe!
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Mystress lady Evyl
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I don’t mention him much…I will a bit more soon. But I do have a long-distant slave (yes really slave, not sub) for oh a good 14 months.
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Just wanted to share a mini part of a conversation we had yesterday.

Me: Now see if you were here you would have a daily task of my piercing for 4 months.
brock: i would perform my task with pleasure and delicacy every time.  You sure know how to get me squirming.
Me: And that is without you even knowing what the task is HA!
brock: i don’t need to know if it’s for You it doesn’t matter what the task is.
Me: boy, you know just the right things to say to butter your Mistress u
brock: Good my Lady, but i don’t just say them to butter You up, i say them because that’s the way if feel.
Me: I know, that is why it means even more

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Oh he is such a good boy!
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Mystres lady Evyl
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