I read a fabulous post recently online and I just had to share. It is about how subs should go about finding a Mistress the right way! This post is on Fetlife in the Submissive men and women who love them Group. I am particularly a fan of the last 2 points.

How To Find A Mistress

“How do I find a dominant woman?” is the number one topic started by new men to this group, and so I’ve decided to start a thread on that topic and make it sticky (git yer minds out of tha gutter! ) so that we can just refer new guys here.I don’t claim to be an expert and I don’t intend for my comments to be exhaustive or authoritative. There isn’t any official ANSI standard for proper sub-like behavior, and there isn’t any Instant Domme (Just Add Water).What I can offer is my experiences in my local BDSM scene. Your millage may vary. This thread is intended to be a work in progress.” by Naamaire

First off, Get Local. FetLife allows you to search groups by location. Find the groups in your area and join them. That’s where you’ll find the people in your area, and that’s where you’ll find out what’s going on in your town.

Next, Get Out. I doubt very seriously that leather clad dominatrices are canvassing your neighborhood looking for subs. (If they are, let me know where you live.) If you want to meet women, you have to go where the women are. Go to munches, go to play parties, go to educational events. Show up! If you don’t have time go out and try to meet people then you aren’t going to have much of a social life in any scene.

Make Friends. Don’t just spend your time hovering around Goddess Kickyouintheface, talk to everybody. You won’t like everybody, but you will find people that you can be comfortable and relax around, and being comfortable and relaxed makes you more attractive. Most local communities are very insular and everybody knows everybody. You may have no interest in playing with Sir Joe or Slave Ginger, but you could end up being friends with them and when their friend Ms Georgina is looking for a new boy-toy, your name may come up.

Get Involved. I can’t stress this one enough. Almost all BDSM events are run by volunteers and it is usually the same 10% of the people who do 90% of the work. Showing up early for set up or staying late for break down is the best networking tool I know. It’s easier to talk to people when you’re doing something, and people remember who helped set up.

Don’t Worry About The Kink. I know this sounds counter-intuitive since your ultimate goal is to find someone to explore the BDSM lifestyle with, but, honestly, the mechanics are not all that important. I have never personally seen a D/s couple break up over incompatibility of fetishes. If the relationship is solid, the kinks have a way of working themselves out. Just because a dominant woman doesn’t list A, B, and C on her profile doesn’t mean that she won’t ever be interested in doing A, B, or C with you. Once she realizes that doing something is a quick way to reduce you to a quivering ball of jelly it may become her favorite activity–but only if she cares about you as a person first.

Be A “Gentleman”. I’m not going to even try to define that word, only you can do that. But whatever your personal ideal of man who is worthy of respect is, be that. Remember, when all is said and done you are still a man looking for a woman. Leave the crap about “worthless worms” on the internet. Be the best man that you can be, your manners, your morals, your dress and grooming.

After watching and reviewing Billy Castro does the Mission (CONTEST SEE BELOW) I started asking myself….what is queer today? I knew it was nowhere near the original definition of it but this movie really had me asking myself that definition of queer seems quite larger then I remembered. Let’s investigate with Wikipedia…

A little history…

Since its emergence in the English language in the 16th century (related to the German quer, meaning “across, at right angle, diagonally or transverse”), queer has generally meant “strange,” “unusual,” or “out of alignment.” At this time it was still not associated with anything sexual. Only in the 19th century does the term start to gain its implication of sexual deviance, especially that of homosexual and/or effeminate males. Subsequently, for most of the 20th Century, “queer” was frequently used as a derogatory term for effeminate gay males who were believed to engage in receptive or passive anal/oral sex with men, and others exhibiting untraditional gender behavior.

Contemporary usage

Some use queer as an inclusive, unifying sociopolitical umbrella term for people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, transsexual, intersexual, genderqueer, or of any other non-heterosexual sexuality, sexual anatomy, or gender identity. It can also include asexual, autosexual people and those doing activities placing them outside of the heterosexual-defined mainstream such  BDSM practitioners or polyamorous persons. In this usage it retains the historical connotation of “outside the bounds of normal society” and can be construed as “breaking the rules for sex and gender.” It can be preferred because of its ambiguity, which allows “queer”-identifying people to avoid the sometimes strict boundaries that surround other labels. In this context, “queer” is not a synonym for LGBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) as it creates a space for “queer” heterosexuals as well as “non-queer” homosexuals.

I consider myself heterosexual, maybe borderline heteroflexible. I have dommed women in sexual and non-sexual scenes. The sexual ones where not a sexual stimulous for me…the dominating part was. that ‘high’ comes from the shared energy of a scene with another human being, regardless of their sex. I have kissed maybe 3 women a bit more passionately -only 1 made me a bit more curious-, my mouth touched maybe 2 female breasts.

With my sexuality just now somewhat defined I never in my life thought I would qualify as queer, at least not before my new discoveries above. I am a BSDM practicioner and I practice activities outside of the heterosexual-defined mainstream. Me, queer? I am open and welcoming of anyone who tries anything sexualy as long as it is of legal age and consensual. I have many queer friends. But for me, my personal sexuality, I can be old fashion. Me, queer. It is a weird pill to swallow at first but it is going down.

Some say fetishists and BDSM lifestylers are the next ones up on the sociological chopping block, joining the ranks of gays and lesbians to fight for our rights and be recognized by the government. In Montreal the A.L.C.C. is trying to do just that: get a public voice for alternative lifestylers that are described above as queer. It is the only organization of it’s kind in Canada that we know of and I am proud to be part of the team trying to get it off the ground. I guess the term queer will change some more as the decades go by and new people will be welcomed under this umbrella, even unexpectant members such as I. I AM QUEER!

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CONTEST

So I received a 2nd copy of this DVD and I am giving it away to a reader. How to win?

Mandatory:

Visit this Green Sex web page and tell me what your fave listed toy is in a comment on this post.

Extra Entries:

Tweet about the contest – copy-paste below…1 entry per day!

WIN Billy Castro DVD, a Reel Queer Productions film, from @ladyevyl at http://bit.ly/crlz6V

You have till Aug 08th, 2010 midnight EST to enter. The winner will be chosen at random & announced on Aug 09, 2010 EST.

I am back, well physically. mentally I am still not here. That may take a while as I am in total denial lol.

I hope you enjoyed all the toys reviews while I was away. I will have a few interesting blogs coming soon about my trip down to Raleigh to see my sub muzhik. We got to attend 3 local Kink events. Just gimme a bit of time to catch up on life.

Funny enough it was so freaking hot down there I was dying. But turns out Montreal was actually suffering much worse temperatures. Well the thermometer said the same thing in both locations but the humidity in Montreal is a killer. I have been living in my bedroom where I have AC…set up my lap top and a TV in there. Cats snuglle me all day too in the bedroom. And AC is the only good point of having to come back to work today! And to think in Raleigh they would ask me if I ever knew such heats in Montreal. HA! It’s worse here.

So stories coming soon. Thank you muzhik for putting up with my abuse for 6 days, thank you Nev for the social time and dinner at your place, thank you Mel, Miss Scarlet and Whisper for hosting parties, as well as TMG for the big Munch.

I the mean time I leave you with a naughty pic for entertainment! Change the guy with someone more average and you got a scene I did witness at one of those parties!

Ah so nice. I may not have had a boy or special someone here in Montreal this year for St-Valentine’s day but it did not really matter to me this year. Even if it was a distant reciprocation I felt the love.

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My boy brock sent me these lovely flowers the other day. Are they not beautiful!

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And I am very happy to introduce my new bitch in consideration offcially, rich

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I met rich during my trip to North Carolina. We have stayed in close touch and talked about things a lot. yeah sucks the distance is there but we have planned trips in the future already. We’ll see where it goes. I put in offcially in consideration yesterday. he has but a rope as a collar for now but will be given a training collar on his first visit here (incentives, incentinves, incentives).

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I had dinner in a Chinese restaurant the other night and I was laughing my head off when I read my fortune cookie. It said:

You will soon be honored by someone you respect.

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A funny coincidence… especially with a new ‘bitch boy’ in my horizon

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As mentioned in recent previous posts I am navigating a bit in the Vanilla dating world right now. It’s an interesting and bumpy ride. For fun I researched some basic dating tips and advice online.

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Yeah I can hear you saying why on earth am I doing that? Well how polished is your knowledge on that actually? Do really think you know what you are doing? A little refresher of the rules never hurt anyone (minus the really sexist or outdated ones I removed). And its actually surprising how well they can blend in a Ds relationship as well. FromTop Dating Tips

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Dating Rules for Women

• Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head.
• Never reveal information you don’t have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
• Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
• Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
• Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
• Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady’s perogative.
• Never be available when he wants you to be. Never answer when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
• If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
• Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
• Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
• Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
• Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom.
• Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
• If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
• If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
• Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
• If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you.
• You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.

Online Dating Rules

• Always let them come to you, don’t chase them via email.
• Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
• Don’t reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
• Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
• Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
• Never provide your real email or phone details.
• Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
• Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
• Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
• If you don’t want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
• A man who doesn’t reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
• Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
• Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
• Don’t even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
• Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

General Dating Rules For Men

1. Look your best. Get some decent clothes and shoes. Women always look at your shoes, even if you last checked your Nikes in 1996. Get clothes that fit you, suit you and are contemporary. Don’t just buy one outfit, sort out your entire wardrobe. Buy a nice tailored suit, there is no excuse not to. If you can’t take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of her?

2. Sort out your hygiene and styling. Go down to the barbers and clean up your hair, getting it styled if possible. If you don’t have much hair, still get down to the salon, maybe get your head shaved. Or just get a regular shave, a professional shave will leave your face looking and feeling great. Then it is off to the shops with you for good quality cologne and a grooming kit. Men are so often criticized for smelling bad. Get into a regular showering routine so you will always smell fresh and clean. Women appreciate it.

3. Sort out your job if you have one. Women want a man who has some ambition in life. Coasting along as a skateboard instructor is generally not going to win you a real catch (though I’d give it a go, I love skateboarding). Any job is better than none, but knuckle down and sort out some direction in your life. If possible try and look like you have something of a career. If you have a manual job, at least have some plans to work for yourself, and if you already do, then you are on the right track. But know what you are about work wise and have some idea of your future plans because women will ask questions about your prospects. Even if they pretend it isn’t important, it is.

4. Be in the know. Make sure you are up to date with current affairs, watch the news and read quality papers. Women do not appreciate stupidity, and laziness is no excuse for sounding dumb. Current affairs are important in showing you know all about the world we live in. If you travel a lot then this will help tremendously. If you don’t, make plans to travel and tell her about it. Proving you are willing and able to plan vacations is essential in the grand scheme of things.

5. Do not extol the virtues of drinking in the bar 5 nights a week. This will never win any fair princess’s heart. If you spend all your time boozing with the boys, it’s time to take a step back and pick up some more productive habits. Taking your lady for a drink is fine, especially if you take her to get cocktails at a nice lounge, but give them the impression that you live there will get you absolutely nowhere fast.

6. Keep your super fan status in check. If you love your sports and enjoying watch the game with your buddies, fine. If sport is a religion and you have your favorite player’s number tattooed on your back, you may have a problem. If you are serious about dating, rattling off baseball stats, ranting about unfair umpires and constantly check the score will put them off in record time. To the uninitiated, sports are completely boring, and many women interpret the obsession as a total lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sports too, and rooting for the same team is great, but don’t make your passion into a one-sided one.

9. Never expect sex on a first date. If all you are after is sex, you have come to the wrong place for reading material. If you are looking for the girl of your dreams, there is nothing sexier than a patient man. You are easily capable of waiting for the right woman.

10. Read up on manners, courtesy and chivalry. A woman likes being treated with respect. Lose the coarse language, the swear words, the rudeness and the laziness. Know how to eat in a top restaurant. Know about fashion, jewelry and flowers. Know how to hold a door open for a woman, let her go first and help her with her seat. Listen to what she says but have opinions of your own too. Show her respect and manners at every step and you’ll be on the right path.

11. Start listening and stop talking. Keep your date interested but don’t turn into a one-man circus. She will bore of you quickly because she wants to talk about herself too. Listen to things she tells you about her and remember them. Women love to chat so you need to learn to listen to her. Remembering things she told you will impress her even more.

12. Give up smoking. Now.

13. Learn to dance even if you have two left feet. Women love to dance and it puts you two in close contact. It is also romantic and sexy. You can be the world’s worst dancer, I don’t care. But if you stay seated when she is on that dance floor you may as well not exist. Try joining salsa and ballroom classes. You don’t need to be Travolta but you should have an idea of the basics of rhythm. Get started today.

And now today starts: the RESOLUTIONS!!!!!!!!! Scray word. I honestly did not make one, at least not in the traditional way. I was off this past week and my plan during the day time was to accomplish a task I have been putting off for months (years): a massive clean up of my place.

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I am not talking spring cleaning here. I mean take every drawer out of the dresser, then do the keep pile, give pile and garbage pile. Then vacuum the drawer, dresser, destroy the dust bunny armies behing the drawer and but everything back together again. Honestly my progress has been slow but steady. I am after all on holiday so I lounge hours in the morning and then maybe go out at night to friend’s, etc.

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But so far I have done my bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, dinning room and two other full double closets. I have filled 7 large garbage bags of stuff to give and 4 garbage bags of garbage. Left to do is the living room.

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Honestly its a lot of work but it feels great. I feel like I lost 100 pounds. Now here is my goal for 2010. Keep cleaning and keep it clean: in my head (break psychological vicious circles), in my health, in my things, and in my body. Just do it bit by bit. Its not a resolution. I am just, for now, motivated and will ride the wave as concsiously as I can.

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Well this will actually be a BDSM/Fetish free weekend. It’s Christmas time on full swing this weekend. Work party tonight and vanilla friends tomorrow.

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As you have seen from the last posts things went sour with a special someone. Not a sub so much, a mix of kink and vanilla. I am not detailing anything but I really need to just purge a bit my emotions and although my blog is entertainment it does have a diary side to it. So anyways although I am not keeping false hope the door is neither completely closed. A little time apart will bring forth the right decision for both involved. of course brock, my long distance slave, would love to give ‘him’ a beating lol.

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The last 2 evenings I have been bad. I have been purging my demons emotionally and trying to break my personal emotional cycle of such a situation. Its not easy and yes the first night was spent with a phone call to 2 girlfriends  and a bottle of wine. We spoke  about everything, not just what happened to me. But I wanted to get drunk. Thing is I never ate and finished the bottle in about 2 hours. I got up from the couch and I realized this was going to be challenge. I went and snacked just a bit. I lied back down and it was spinning. Hate that. Then I did something I have not done in probably about 13 years. I threw up from too much alcohol.  OK most of you are saying gross…ewww. And yes it was not fun. But man it felt AWESOME. I felt like a bad young adult breaking a rule of society. The concept did me a lot of good.

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Last night I had dinner at a girlfriend’s place. We chatted, drank, and again I was bad I smoked up something I never do either. Then we watched the worst movie 9but funny): Zombie Strippers, with Jenna Jameson. Thank god I was stoned cause it was bad. Its totally a porn plot without the sex. I am not a fan of porn but at some point I was just screaming at the TV “FUCK ALREADY”. It was again a great purging excellent night.

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Tonight with the xmas party I will again been nicely marinated with booze. Sat will be more quiet. But I am doing much better today. Of  course ‘his’ bday is coming up and I had ordered him a special gift from Funsexxxtoys. It arrived this morning. Still can use it but its kinda made for 2, not a solo thing. Oh well! Thanks for reading and I’ll leave you with a hot FemDom pic from Men in Pain for the weekend!

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I received this email from a vanilla friend. Had to share.
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Our 80th Anniversary as Persons!

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It is important to remember how recent it is that women in Canada were considered “persons” and how hard it was to win the “Vote.”
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November is an important month of “Remembrance” for more than veterans – an especially important anniversary to those of us of the female persuasion in Canada.
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An important history lesson!

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This is the story of women in the United States who were ground-breakers.. These brave women from the early 1900s made all the difference in the lives we live today. Remember, it was not until 1920 that Canadian women were granted the right to go to the polls and vote.
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The women were innocent and defenseless, but when, in North America, women picketed in front of the White House, carrying signs asking for the vote, they were jailed.
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And by the end of the first night in jail, those women were barely alive. Forty prison guards wielding clubs and their warden’s blessing went on a rampage against the 33 women wrongly convicted of ‘obstructing sidewalk traffic..’
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(Lucy Burns)
They beat Lucy Burns, chained her hands to the cell bars above her head and left her hanging for the night, bleeding and gasping for air.
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(Dora Lewis)
They hurled Dora Lewis into a dark cell, smashed her head against an iron bed and knocked her out cold. Her cellmate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack. Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women.
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Thus unfolded the ‘Night of Terror’ on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there because they dared to picket Woodrow Wilson’s White House for the right to vote.
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For weeks, the women’s only water came from an open pail. Their food–all of it colorless slop–was infested with worms.
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(Alice Paul)
When one of the leaders, Alice Paul, embarked on a hunger strike, they tied her to a chair, forced a tube down her throat and poured liquid into her until she vomited. She was tortured like this for weeks until word was smuggled out to the press.
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All women who have ever voted, have ever owned property, have ever enjoyed equal rights need to remember that women’s rights had to be fought for in Canada as well. Do our daughters and our sisters know the price that was paid to earn rights for women here, in North America?
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2009 is the 80th Anniversary of the Persons Case in Canada, which finally declared women in Canada to be Persons!

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Please, if you are so inclined, pass this on to all the women you know, so that we remember to celebrate the rights we enjoy.
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“Knowledge is Freedom: hide it, and it withers; share it, and it blooms” (P. Hill)
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Lord its been quite a few days since my last post. But not from a lack of subject matter at all! I was not too happy. I had website issues for like 30 hours where my 4 websites were down. SO NOT HAPPY at all. After a gazillion exchanges the last message I got was support is not given to Adult sites and I was suspended….on top of it with a glitch. Anyways I finnally spoke to someone who got them back up. I wrote a complaint letter and they came back..eventually, that no support is given to adult sites and I should fix the reoccuring error which they can’t tell how to fix exactly. They all say see your web developer, fix the problem and you can stay if you are not a technical problem. FUCK I don’t have one…I do everything…aaaarrrgghhhh. Also I think I am just out growing them and hitting the bandwith more then they like. Looking for a hosting…DO NOT GO to 3ix.org. Ok thanks for the vent.

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Well good news is the system admin of where I work happens to be a good friend and is one of the 2 people at work that know abut Lady Evyl. He has a side hosting company. We dicussed things and I will be moving to his server. Haleluya a silver lining.

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Above is not related again but as I said I was down for 30 hours and then when I was up I had to go out of town for the weekend. Just back and saying Hi! So I will be writting about the Body Mod Night I co-hosted at the Loft in the next days. Now I was due to get a piercing that night but things just went too late (like 5am last peircing) so Pat Pierce wanted to do it at the Excentrick shop when he was, like, awake and safe.

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So off I went for my second nipple piercing on Wednesday night with my mentee LiquidRaspberry. She loves getting pierced and makes it look so easy. Now if you remember I did my first nipple back in March 09. At the time the last piercing I did was like 17 years ago for the 6th earlobe hole. Back in March I went in there with the highlest level of anxiety ever because I had no clue what to expect. And it hurt…like HELL during the piercing, like HELL for 3 hours after with pain shots coming and going, and the it hurt like HELL for 2 week where it was constantly raw in sensitivity

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So I went in the shop this week knowing exactly what to expect but wondering WTF for? But I was going to do the second nipple. Well I am happy to report it was a completely different experience. First Pat Pierce has become a friend since March so I really trust him and I am 100% sincere when I say he RULES and is the best Piercer in town. The actual piercing was still very painful but lasted maybe 20 sec instead of the 90 sec the first time. I did get swing of pain a bit the first 3 hours but much less then the first time. But this is the best part. The next there was no pain. Ok if I bump into it it certainly does. But in March I looked at it and it would hurt the first 14 days. This time…no pain. I am so happy.

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http://www.whimbodyjewelry.com/product/4227/4445.html

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Just goes to show how stress and anxiety can really, really mess up an experience.

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By the way…..Sorry no pics to show of my breats this time…well not for now. But here is a pic with a nice piece of jewelery someone begging to get digged back to earth level should be ordering for me. hint hint

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