Joe: Hey!

Lady Evyl:  Hey!

Joe: Can I buy you a drink?

Lady Evyl: Uh, OK, sure.

Joe: You’re hot.

Lady Evyl: Uh, thanks.

Joe: I want you to take me home and make me your love slave.

Lady Evyl: Excuse me?

Joe: I could really get pumped up for you.

Lady Evyl: OK this is getting really weird…but you are kind of cute.

Joe: Oh baby you could blow me in so many ways, just pound me so hard I may explode.

Lady Evyl: Uh, yeah that would not …be…good.

Joe: Take me home, now

Lady Evyl: Can’t I tie you up?

Joe: Oh yeah baby, anything you want

Lady Evyl: Well, alright, but you better not be full of hot air!

So that is the little story of how I met Joe. Actually he likes it when you call him Big Joe. What an ego! Let me tell you bringing him home are a real novelty for me. I don’t usually take home a sleazy doll face men home like that…but I have been speculating at the thought of living such an experience for so long. It was just pure curiosity.

So I took Joe home. He now lives with me. Did I mention he does nothing all day, just stands around or lies down? He pretty much does his thing and I do mine. It was fun for a moment, when we first met, but now the magic is gone. The only time Joe is useful is when I have friends come over. I can count on him for making my friends laugh every time.

Let me give you a bit of background info on Big Joe. He is not the tallest Caucasian vinyl guy in the world for one thing: he is always standing with his legs apart, which puts him a 5’4” But if I force him to squeeze his legs closed he is 5’8”. He has a pretty sexy face but his skin has the texture of rubber. He has a goatee, a slightly receding hair line, really nice piercing brown eyes and nice lips. His mouth is very bizarre however. Every time he sticks his tongue out a lot more come out. I do not like kissing him at all. He is always poised to take me in his arms but he has really small fingerless hands. Joe has an impeccably large chest giving the illusion of sexy pecs and nice nipples. Oh he has an 8 pack going on too on his stomach: HOT. But lower down things get weird, really weird. I think Joe is actually a woman down there! He has a very slim waist, slim legs, and asshole…and a vagina! Yes you read it right, he has a vagina! It is pink and everything.

So Joe carries around with him a dildo he inserts into himself. Totally freaks me out! His beige dick is 7 inches long and about 1.25 inches in diameter, a nice size. He attached a black flared base to it he uses to keep in the dildo that he shoves into his vagina. Yes, again, you read that right. The thing is the base is way too wide for his vagina so I cut down the base with scissors so it would fit in otherwise there was no way to fit the original base. Total secret between me and you (don’t tell Joe) but his penis does not do it for me. It’s a hard rubber and so old school. Joe hit his prime in 1999 and has decided to not update his look or style in anyway.

Anyways, at this point I don’t know what sex he is. Is he a transgender, a transsexual, a female-to-male? Let’s say he is pansexual. One thing I can confirm though is that he is bisexual. He will have sex with anyone: a man, a woman…makes not difference to him. He claims to have 2 wholes, but like I said he has three: an anus, a mouth and a vagina. And he loves to get crammed hard in all of them. I personally though prefer using his penis. As I said before the inside of his mouth is ugly the only thing it is good for is giving head.

Joe really likes to get pumped up. And yes he can be full of hot air: I was so right on that one during our first conversation. He gets inflated through a whole in the middle of his back. By the time he get’s all pumped up I am a bit tired myself. It’s a shared workout. When I am done I push in the plastic plug. You know it’s like the closures on beach balloons or pool inflatable toys. Did I mention he can do push-ups with his penis?

Finally, Joe’s hygiene habits are quite questionable. Sure he’ll come in the shower with me no problem and clear up his exterior with soap and warm water, but he is awful at cleaning out his holes. He refuses to wash his mouth…it cannot be washed out. As far as his ass and vagina it would be really difficult to get any body fluids out completely. I am not sure when if the last time he got tested cause he asks his male sexual partners to wear a condom so they do not come in him.

When I get really tired of Joe I just deflate his ego by opening the cap of his plug in his back. Oh you should see it I get nasty then: I roll him around, bend him, he folds over with my cursing. If I really don’t see him for a while I send of to the closet to sulk. Either he is there or he likes to hang out at a place called Eden Fantasys.

_____________________

I hope you enjoyed my little story telling of Joe he he. I’ll tell you about my experience…in all seriousness. I did mean it when I said I was curious about using a doll once in my life. I took the opportunity not out of desperation but really to try and understand why people did use dolls for sex. Sadly I did not get my answer. I tried him once as it was my duty but I felt like a complete idiot. So I can tell you it ain’t my thing to get me off at all. What did impressed me is that Joe can take a lot of weight. I am a BBW and I could lie on top of him without fear of him exploding. If Joe is taking you with his penis the only way to do it is missionary with him on the bottom. Also at some point the dildo popped out regularly…not good. Had he a penis attached to him like other dolls it would be much better. Also the texture of his ‘skin’ is weird to lie on, specially if you get hot and stick to him a bit. The one thing that is hard to guess is just how much to inflate him. I filled him up until the plastic wrinkle in his butt, feet and elbows were gone and that seemed to work. Should Joe get punctured he comes with a small vinyl patch to fix him with.

There was maybe a 10 second time frame where I could forget he was a doll and the movement of humping a person felt real but besides that in no way does it even come close to substituting a real person. After one try I had enough, forever. if it works for you though, fabulous, nothing wrong with that. I do find him terribly entertaining when I have guest coming over. And i am expecting a bdsm house guest this weekend so I have kept Joe inflated till my friend arrives for a joke. it’s funny I often get startled when I walk into to room he is in if it has been a while: I always think for a split second ‘who is that’?

Big Joe doll Male love doll by California Exotic Material: Rubber / Vinyl Safety: $47.99 Buy from EdenFantasys
Rating:	Vroom:	Bee:
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

I just love a nice vanilla object that has been perverted to BDSM play. Such is the case with the Pinwheel BDSM Toy. Actually called the Wartenburg Wheel, this pinwheel is a medical device used to measure nerve reactions. It was invented by, you guessed it, Dr. Wartenberg. Hardly used in the medical field anymore it has risen from the ashes in the SM world.

I LOVE pinwheels, I use them in almost every play session I have. For the newbie its look is intimidating and painful. To the knowledgeable player the pinwheel often brings on moans, screams and giggles of delightful sensuality and torture. Scary or desired, the one sure thing is the Pinwheel BDSM Toy falls under sensation play category. I do believe anyone with an open mind can enjoy a little spiky wheel play as it can be used in a pleasurable way. Of course the person has to be willing even if the tool is used nicely.

Usually presented in a little plastic black pouch, this tool is made of chrome over stainless steel and measures just under 7 inches long. The handle is about 5.5 inches long and is usually flat with a textured pattern to improve grip. Although the online pic showed all metal mine came with a pale pink coated handle (which I adore). The wheel end is attached to the the handle on an axis that spins freely. The wheel is about 1 inch in diameter, the spikes themselves about 3/8 of an inch long. There is a total of 20 spikes which are relatively sharp but not automatically piercing.

To use this BDSM Toy just start of by applying the wheel perpendicular to the skin and roll along the body softly.See how the receiver reacts. Depending on the body part it can be prickly, ticklish, arousing, painful..or the person may not feel anything at all. Play with the pressure, try different body parts. Of course avoid the face. Some of my favorite spots are nipples, inner thighs, side of the waist, the skull, under the feet, the groin, the neck and genitalia. If your partner is into genital torture this tool is AWESOME. I love using it in CBT play. If you do use it on the penis or balls you really do not need to apply a lot pf pressure, specially on taunt skin.

Other ways to use this toy are by dragging gently the spikes along the skin, tilt the pinwheel at a 45 degree along the body to do this, and by tapping repetitive the toy gently on the body. Try slow long swervy stroke or short hard ones. Let your imagination go. Got 2 pinwheels? Take one in each hand at the same time. I remember one scene at a party were I was one of 4 women applying 5 pinwheels at the same time on someones back. The guy was in heaven.

Now you can press pretty hard on the skin without damaging it but care is still required as too much pressure could puncture the skin.  You may just scratch the skin open or you can even pop a blood vessel and bleed.If blood is present stop the play and clean the area. Do not use the toy there again until the skin has healed. But again the chance of a puncture under normal use is rare. You will most probably see little indents that can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. Wear them with pride!

Metal is non porous so you can disinfect this toy. You can wash it under warm water and antibacterial soap, you can put it in the dishwasher, you can boil is or you can wipe it down with a bleach solution. I really recommend sterilization because you can break skin without noticing so you could spread bacteria or more. What ever method you use just make sure it is completely dry when you put it away in the pouch for storage.

The Pinwheel BDSM Toy is a great addition (the more the better) to any SM or slightly kinky toy chest. It is light, discreet, fits in a pocket or small purse. As I said before I just adore them. Ready for a little spiky walk on the wild kinky side?

Thank you to the lovely people at Goodvibes.com who sent me this toy for an honest review.

Check out my latest sex toy review at Eden Fnatasys….click below to read but the pics are here.

WOW vibe no.3 Rabbit vibrator by Pipedream Material: Elastomer Safety: $0.00 Buy from EdenFantasys
Rating:	Vroom:	Bee:

Vibrator in the box..fancy

Shaft close-up

Rabbit cricket???

I am so excited! Well I have been for a week but now I can tell you. Babeland asked all reviewers to participate in a new feature: Bloggers’ Picks by sending in a fave review. The winning reviewers were picked on several other factors as well. Guess who was one of the lucky picked participants? Yep Me!

I am so honored to be featured in Babeland’s first ever Bloggers’ Picks. Go check it out and find out what is My Pick of the sex toy litter . Hey it’s a rare chance to see a glimpse of my face lol.

I work/ed with a lot of companies for sex toy reviews and my very first review was with Babeland. I have been with them ever since and I just love them. Being recognized this way for my effort is just incredibly touching! Thank you!

Finding a good first pair of cuffs can actually be a daunting task. There are so many models out on the market how can you know if they are a cheap flimsy pair or something of quality. Comfort is a big factor as well. The Heart 2 Heart Cuffs are a perfect beginner pair. There is a whole series of Heart 2 Heart items and this will be the first of 3 reviews. Look out for future reviews of the blindfold and the collar.

These are really nice wrist cuffs to have in your toy chest for both the beginner and advanced player. These premium leather cuffs are quite supple and light with a good width to the cuffs. Some cuff models can be to thin or too large, like Goldie Locks would say on her 3rd try these are just perfect. They are constraining and would hold the victim captive during play but at the same time you can wear these cuffs for hours without any discomfort at all. And can we talk adorable. Love the red middle stripe. Very cute and fashionable indeed.

The total length is 12 inches, just over 2 inches wide and the cuffs are fastened with a buckle just like a belt would be. You will find several holes to accommodate wrist sizes between 6 and 9 inches, giving a lot of room to fit most adults. If you are super tiny or a massive giant you may mind them inadequate for you. Although there is no lining covering the inside of the cuff the attachment points are totally smooth so very comfortable. Each restraint has a D ring which is great for tying down during a restraint session. The D ring is also very securely attached to the cuffs.

Specs

• Length: 12 inches
• Width: 2.2 inches
• Adjusts to ankles 6 to 9 inches in circumference
• Fastening type: buckle
• Material: Leather, metal

Leather can be cleaned with a soapy damp cloth that has been rung out. You want to wipe, not soak. You can also wipe the leather down with diluted rubbing alcohol to disinfect. Let dry completely before storing.

I just LOVE restriction so anything that constrains movement is sure to please me! I adore the fact that my sub is totally at my mercy to remove the toy. Just pull the arms on the victim behind them and add a Cuff Connector through the D-rings. No arms, no defense…perfect to tease sensually or torture, or both! Personally, if I make a sub wear cuffs it is for aesthetics because I am a rope slut Top. Put a rope and cuffs next to me and I will choose the rope every time. I do enjoy the look of cuffs on a play partner: the look is submissive, exciting and erotic. The Heart 2 Heart Cuffs totally fit that bill.

This Heart 2 Heart Cuffs review is graciously made possible by Babeland.com, a women-friendly place to buy sex toys and vibrators.

Welcome to today’s edition of Lady Evyl in the Kitchen, brought to you by Eden Fantasys. We have a very special recipe for you today. No cooking skills are required. All you need for ingredients are a Lover’s Paint Box and either a horny “pig”, a “dog’ in heat or a purring “pussy”.

1. Pick your creature of choice. Disrobe and lay horizontally.
2. Take your brush and choose your chocolate of choice
3. **Advanced cooks may mix and match chocolate flavors
4. Baste your creature as desired
5. LICK!

If you have a sweet tooth like me this Lover’s Paint Box by Kamasutra just might be the best new toy in your bedroom. This kit includes 3 jars of chocolate paint – white, milk and dark – which can be brushed unto your partner’s body with the included brush. Made of actual real chocolate these paints are quite tasty compared to other brands. Anyone can use these paints and although one could use it alone it is really better with a partner. A messy but fun sexual escapade is guaranteed as you take turns swirling chocolate designs on each other and lick it off. The slight alcohol taste could be a drawback for some, as well as the thick consistency that requires a lot of tongue action, but over all it’s a fun product to try. Finger painting is totally permitted!

As like all other Kamasutra product, the Lover’s Paint Box Kit arrives in a beautiful box with their signature exotic Indian like design. Once you slide off the cardboard protector, the black tray elegantly displays the 3 jars and the paintbrush. A clear plastic cover protects the contents from falling out. The packaging is discreet without any sexual words or drawings.  I suggest keeping the packaging for storage.

As mentioned, there are 3 jars in the box. These are made of glass and each have a black plastic screw on lid. Each jar contains 2oz (60gr) of edible body paint. In this kit the 3 flavors are dark, milk and white chocolate. It is easy to identify which jar is which flavor just by looking at the color of the content through the glass.

The brush comes in a plastic protector. Now I have read a few other reviews where people rave about the quality of the brush…I hated mine. The bristles are way too hard, did not paint thin or pretty lines and actually a few bristle were left behind on the body. I tossed it in the garbage. I would recommend you get 3 cheap artist brushes instead at a craft store. Make sure the bristles do have a bit of stiffness to them. You will have much better control and you can use 1 per jar. With only one brush you are stuck cleaning each time you use a different paint otherwise you will contaminate each jar with a different color.

Each flavor is a bit different recipe wise but the basic ingredients in all 3 flavors are: corn syrup, cocoa powder, ethyl alcohol, palm oil, dried milks, soy lecithin, sugar, food starch and gelatin. Unlike other similar products on the market this one is relatively natural and it contains real chocolate in it. This makes it I think a superior product within that particular niche. Now don’t expect to get the same taste as a quality chocolate bar though. I would compare it closer to  eating chocolate syrup. Also the number one complaint people have is the alcohol aftertaste. Different people react in various ways, I definitely noticed it but consumed in the heat of passion in a small dose would not be a problem. Why does it have that taste? Because of the ethyl alcohol. Sounds scary but it is drinking alcohol, like the stuff you find in spirits. I am going to take a wild guess here and say it is used as a preservative. No, you will not get drunk on this kit lol.

The Lover’s Paint Box is extremely easy to use. Open your lids and simply dip your brush in the paint of choice and draw on your chosen body part. Be creative here: you can do lines, be geometric, do swirls, hearts, etc. Each flavor does paint on with a different color. The dark chocolate is a dark brown, the milk chocolate is a lighter brown and white chocolate is more of a cream color. The consistency of the paint is quite thick, a little too much actually. The consistency makes it hard to pick up paint on the brush and to make precise designs on your partner. Also it is not the easiest body paint to lick up. One lick will not clean a drawing. This will get your tongue muscles in tip top shape. Start small because your tongue will get tired. One little trick I read is to heat the jar just a tiny bit, like 10 seconds, in a microwave. This will make the paint a bit smoother to work with.

As sad as it sounds, I did not have anyone to test this out on when I got the kit. So I tried it on myself. Boy do I wish I was more flexible ha ha ha. I tried all 3 paints on my arm. Again I hated the brush and only got chunky lines and the paint is very thick. I did manage to do a Check sign and write my initials. It took a while before I was able to lick it all off my arm. Like 5 to 10 licks per spot. I did enjoy the taste however. My favorite is the milk chocolate, then the dark, white last. Funny story: I received my package at work and had a major sugar craving that day. I was almost tempted to count this as a snack at my desk…but I did not do it.

Once you are done painting you will want to clean any mess on the rim of the jars and closed the lids on tight. Also you will have to wash your brush under warm water and soap to get all the paint out. Rinse well and let dry completely before storing. Finally the box mentions that the kit must be kept in a refrigerator once the jars have been opened to keep it fresh. There is no ‘best before date’ but I assumed this means the product can go bad after a while. So if you have this kit already for some time do a taste test first. Like real chocolate, it will clean off you easy but maybe not of your sheets or clothes.

Considering your covered yourself in chocolate, a shower is a good idea too after play. This product has been dermatologist tested and it is hypoallergenic. If there is any serious precaution about this kit to keep in mind it is this: Use Externally Only, besides your mouth of course. Since this product contains a lot of sugar you should not use it internally as far as genitals are concerned. Sugar can cause a yeast infection. So paint the outside of the genitals if you wish, but do not get any on the inside.

The really great thing about this Lover’s Paint Box is if your partner is shy about sex toys this is a very discreet way of adding something to the sex repertoire. If you are looking for something sweet to add a little spice in the bedroom then I would recommend this kit, as long as you are not too fussy about your chocolate quality.  This kit is also perfect for a wedding shower gift, St-Valentine’s day, or an anniversary present.

Lover’s paint box Body paint by KamaSutra $38.99 Buy from EdenFantasys
Rating:	Vroom:	Bee:
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

Would you do this guy?

At first glance….I would. But there is more beneath the eye. Turn the page….

(more…)

The Mystic Wand is the latest “IT’ sex toy right now on the  market. And with reason! I cannot believe I was hesitant about trying it out in the first place. I already own an electrical Hitachi knock-off and that works is fine, why would I need another wand? Now that I have tried it I would have kicked myself had I not given this wand a chance. No kidding! Let’s take a look at it.

The Mystic wand arrives in a nice clear plastic box. Open it up and you will find the wand vibrator and a nice little black suede-like pouch for storage. The toy measures 8-3/4″ by 2-1/2″ and the velvety-touch handle fits very comfortably in the palm of your hand. Compared to the Hitachi the size is so much more compact and comfortable to maneuver. Your arms and hands will not tire from the manipulation. Besides the more practical diminutive size, a huge advantage is that there is no cord to plug in the wall and get tangled up in. Yes the Mystic Wand is fully portable. This wand runs on four AA batteries. It sounds like a lot but that is exactly the reason why it is so powerful. The good news is the batteries do last for some time so this toy could not be classified as a battery hog.

To use the Mystic Wand look for the controls on the handle. You will find 2 buttons: the on/off button and the F button. This latter button cycles thought the 6 functions: low, medium and high speeds; 2 pulses speeds and a graduating pulse pattern. The low setting equates a normal strong vibe and the high setting gets you pretty damn close to the power of a Hitachi (but better in my opinion). The blue light on the base indicates battery life and will slowly fade as you lose power over time. This toys is sure to happily stimulate your clitoris, perineum, anus… or pretty much any place you like some sensual attention. For added sensation there are 5 horizontal grooves on the head of the Mystic Wand which can be fun to explore as you tilt the toy. And try adding the Mystic Wand Attachment which I also reviewed.

The Mystic Wand is made of silicone and ABS plastic. The silicone part is the head of the wand, the part that will make contact with your body. The “neck” below the head, also made of silicone, is flexible – another added feature not found in it’s big brother. Use only with water-based lubricants. Silicone is a non-porous and phthalates free material which makes for easy clean up. Since there is a motor you cannot put it in the dishwasher but it can be disinfected by wiping it down with an alcohol or bleach solution.  This vibe is not waterproof. If I had to mention a negative point it would be that cleaning the grooves takes a bit more effort then just passing under the water from the faucet otherwise “stuff” dries in the ridges.

Specs:

• Size: 8-3/4″ x 2-1/2″
• Material: Silicone and ABS plastic
• Texture: ribbed
• Batteries: Four AA

So why is this vibrator so great you ask? Three reasons: power, mobility, and POWER. Did I mention it is powerful? I am a very demanding client when it comes to clitoral orgasms. I only come if I can get ‘exactly-where-I-need-it’ pressure which I do not always achieve with most clit toys. My Hitachi knock-off has always performed OK but nothing earth shattering as you would expect, at least for me. But the Mystic Wand, OMG, makes me scream every time. I cannot get over its power. I can’t really explain it in words, you just have to try it, you’ll know what I mean. This toy suits me very well. Other things I like  a lot about this toy are no cords, the compact size, its lightweight and the fact that it is pretty quiet. You can easily fit this in a suitcase without loosing too much space. As a matter of fact as you read this review I just may be using the Mystic wand on my boy in Raleigh. I am so bringing it with me. I just cannot recommend this toy enough. Just go get one NOW!

This review graciously made possible by Babeland.com, a women-friendly place to buy sex toys and vibrators.

My very first energy efficient powered toy is on the review table today. This review graciously made possible by Babeland.com, a women-friendly place to buy sex toys and vibrators.

I was really excited to try the Solar Bullet. I think it’s so cool that sex toy makers are wising up to being more environmental. Batteries are are a huge pollutant and so toxic to our planet. If toy manufacturers can develop more and more energy saving toys…so much the better. In the Solar Bullet case even the packaging had an eco feel to it. Of course that could be also a sign of clever marketing, but they thought about it. The bullet comes in a small plain recyclable cardboard box with a matte finish. Apparently the box is printed to environmentally responsible Forest Stewardship Council (FSC) standards.

Now enough about the box, let’s get to the bullet. This toy comes in 2 pieces. The first is the solar panel which measure 3-1/4″ by 2″. This is what will be charged. just expose the solar panel for eight hours in the sunshine and it will then provide you with one full hour of playtime. Note the toy arrives already charged in the box so you can try it right away.

The second piece is the bullet itself that is attached to a cord that you plug into the solar panel.The bullet measures 2-1/4″ by 1/2″ and it even has a little white light on the tip (to see in the dark ???). The whole kit is made of hard plastic which is black with a velvet finish to touch.

Specs:

• Bullet size: 2-1/4″ x 1/2″
• Solar panel size: 3-1/4″ x 2″
• Material: Velvet-finish hard plastic
• Power: Rechargeable via solar power

I was pleasantly surprised by the power this little Solar Bullet gave off. it’s pretty powerful.The recharging panel works great too for recharging and holds up to its promise so far. As with any bullet you can use it on any body part for teasing but I like it best on my clit (duh!). The toy is very light and compact too which makes it ideal for traveling or even camping. I think this bullet is a great investment and I love the idea that you can just forget the batteries. the only thing that sucks about the toy is that it is not wireless but I think the only way around that would be to have a small solar panel right one the bullet – a technology probably not developed yet. A definite thumbs up on this one.

A big concern many sex toy owners have is to have their stash found out. Could be the kids, guest, cleaning lady, family…hey even a robber! Being caught with ‘pervert toys’ can make a situation quite awkward. So how do you prevent such a discovery from happening? How about getting a great Lockable Large Vibrator Case.

This case is very discreet and you can put it away in your closet or even leave it out on the night table. Chances are no one will be the wiser (unless they own one too). This sturdy case has inner dimensions of approximately 11.5 inches long, 3 1/2 inches wide and 3 1/2 inches tall. The outside is a matte black and the contours and edges are made of a matte silver metal. The handle makes it very practical to carry around and to keep your toys secure from prying hands there is a combination lock on it. Once you get the box just set your desired secret code into the lock.And don’t forget it!

The inside is lined with a plastic vinyl.  Now this case is obviously not Fort Knox but it will keep your secret pleasures away from curious folks. Trust me if someone opens it it’s because they made the effort. Besides hiding your toys the Lockable Large Vibrator Case is ideal for keeping your toys safe clean and dust-free.

So my first impression of this box was how small it looked. I was convinced not many toys could fit inside. Well I took it for a storage test drive and I was proven wrong. It actually can hold quite a bit. It will hold toys up to 11 inches long. I could easily fit in 2 vibrators, 1 dildo, a hand held wand and a butt plug. There was room for a few more small items. This would satisfy most people’s sex toy storage needs easily. This case is definitely a good investment and I recommend it.

Thank you to Pinkcherry.ca for letting me review this toy!